We regret to inform you...

Exactly what administrative position does she hold, this angry waddling subscriber to gloom? She waddles around as fast as her bowed legs can manage, with an obvious abhorrence for the students. She possums out of her disgusting office to dart in front of them in the microwave line, putting her food on a time just higher than socially acceptable for a shared lunch break. (As if it isn't enough that there is one microwave for the twenty of us.) Always that look of disdain sits sloppily on her hateful, triangular face.

I had made up my mind to hate her long before today, but today cemented her in my stone book of demons.

I had arrived early, by new custom, to take advantage of the quiet moments before class - before the herds of girls dragging their wheeled cosmetology kits behind them. I had brought my favorite breakfast - a seven dollar treat to myself: a Mexican Mocha coffee and an everything bagel slathered with Johnny's heavenly pimento cheese. I had a Tom Robbins novel which I was approximately three-fourths of the way into. My one spidered vein, testament to a soul sucking career as a casino cocktail waitress, throbbed in my lower leg as it dangled off the tall chair. I had just tucked my long legs gently into the chair with me, opening my wondrous novel and taking a delicious bite of whatever Johnny puts in his "Dream Cream," letting out an internal sigh of satisfaction, when along she came, scuttling around the corner to snap at me in a most disapproving voice, "Please take your feet OFF the furniture!"

The pimento cheese turned rancid in my mouth. Was she serious? Did she just appear from the depths of whatever hell created her to ruin my perfect breakfast; my perfect morning?

In came the wheels. In came the warbling voices of gossip and complaint. The cacophony rebounded off of every flat, glossy surface and rang in my ears, reiterating the ruination of my peace. I swallowed hard, slowly closed my book and thought, 'This is war, administrative person. This is breakfast war."